None of Your Business

In keeping with the Salt-n-Pepa theme, I would like to both welcome and applaud Hera for expanding this dialog on sexuality to actually include sex. On that note, let's examine another prescient message from our pop princesses: It's none of your business.

In 1993, Salt n Pepa penned the pop epic, "None of Your Business." For those of you not familiar with the lyrics, the chorus goes a little something like this:

"If I want to take a guy home with me tonight, it's none of your business."

They let us know, in no uncertain term, that judging other people for real or imagined sexual transgressions is uncalled for. Asking their listeners to please keep their opinions to themselves, Salt-n-Pepa emancipate themselves from the judgments of their peers, calling into question the underlying motivations of these (real or imagined) critics. Was it jealousy? Simple double standards? Hypocrisy? Either way, the moral of their story was that only one judge existed, and that was God (so they could bone as many people as they wanted, thank you, and let their holy father judge them if he wanted).

Whether or not the final endorsement of a higher power was necessary, I think Salt-n-Pepa give us some real ground to cover here. First, although it pains me to admit this, I think their message is almost certainly addressed to other women. In my experience, we are our own worst enemies when it comes to being the enforcers of social and sexual propriety. Too many women have become the objects of gossip for (real or imagined) sexual acts by the women in their lives, sometimes by their own friends. Granted, it's the patriarchal lens through which we view and understand sexuality that makes these distinctions possible. Men, as the rightful owners of sexuality go out and have as many partners as they want (or as many as possible) meanwhile sweet, docile women guard their chastity and wait for filial love to endorse their sexuality. However, by perpetuating sexual double standards and unnecessary sexual gossip, women only feed into the patriarchy.

Today's reality makes it clear that women are doing as much of the hunting and wild-oat sowing as men (sorry for the mixed metaphor). However, the fact that social mores have changed for the large part, has not fully changed our dialog. We're still using words like "whore," or "tramp" and passing subtle judgment on the "types" of women who would do those sorts of things. I mean what kind of a girl takes a boy home with her! My goodness! She's loose!

I don't know why we somehow get transported back to 1955 when we talk about sexual relationships, but trust me, this dialog of judgment and enforced innocence isn't helpful. While seeking to preserve a public image of the "good girl" we sell out the "bad girls" to the norms of patriarchy ultimately placing all women in bondage. The harm that we do each other in using language that denigrates rather than celebrates sexuality is far greater than the harm that could possibly come from any consensual sexual act between adults. Ladies, let's stop with the language of purity, blame, guilt, or fear and embrace our sexuality. Take a cue from Salt-n-Pepa and do what you want, cuz it's none of their business anyway.