"Writing these things is so awkward"; "just looking for a nice girl"; "want to share a laugh"; "someone smart, who can carry on a conversation"...When you first enter the online dating world you feel like you hit the jackpot. Here, gathered in one digital utopia are men who are looking for exactly what you are. They are not trying to get an easy lay, they are tired of the bar scene-- they have invested their hard earned wages in finding a match-- a girl like you. But when your match is only a click away...are you really any closer?
At first I was humiliated. Has it really come to this? After years of feeling like there were so many adorable, available men and if only I didnt have a boyfriend I could have my pick of them...has it really come to digital dating? No. I mean, the people who date online are creeps. They are losers who can't meet someone in the real world and revert to their dotcom fantasy world for fulfillment. It was a good friend raving about her boyfriend that changed my mind. He was smart, fun and sweet-- and she found him online. Try it--- she assured me: you get free dinners and drinks, you meet interesting people in a new city and if you don't like someone you can never click on them again.
It got me thinking, but I still was not convinced, so I went out. It took one night at a hot Manhattan bar to get me off the streets and online. After being asked why I went to college with tits like mine and being told that "once I go black I'll never go back" I decided to go back to my apartment and sign up to date online.
Being online is like shopping online. It is not real until you actually see the product at your door. At first it seems like a dream. You can scan profiles before deciding to 'chat' you can filter the losers and flirt with the cuties. You get "hotlisted" and adored. Emails await you in the morning to tell you how many men are "interested" in you. In seconds the world of dating becomes manageable--and fun. But then come the dates and you realize-- just like the hot men in bars can turn out to be assholes, the sweet guys online can disappoint as well.
Yet, while I have had my fair share of "interesting" dates, the biggest disappointment has been that none of them have been worth a second chance. Given infinite options and infinite opportunities-- given an environment where everyone is gathered for the sole purpose of meeting someone-- I still cannot seem to find the right guy. The digital dating world is not as different from the real world as I had hoped. Yes, I can delete the douchebags, but they can also delete me. Digital rejection stings like the real thing. And as I continue to meet men that disappoint, I start to wonder if this is as good as it gets. Maybe the myth of suitable men is nothing more than a cruel joke on women in our 20s. It should be obvious-- the online dating world thrives on the harshness of reality. So embrace your digital ice cream, ladies, because Ben and Jerry are the only sure thing.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Dating.com
Monday, September 1, 2008
Babes in Boyland
"From the minute you walked in the joint, I could tell that you were a girl of distinction a real big spender..." The bow ties, cuff links and black speedos can only mean one thing: The Chippendales.
Oh yes, ladies for the bargain price of thirty dollars at the half price ticket booth in Vegas and a short shuttle ride off the strip you can spend an hour living a fantasy-- or many. A team of men with chiseled chests and flimsy tank tops will lip sync their way into your hearts (and minds) dressed as everything from cowboys to naval officers. All the while the bachelorette parties, birthday groups and the rest of us kinky chicks who don't need an excuse scream obscenities and enjoy the show.
There are a lot of male strip shows in Vegas, and after one night of the Chippendales, I was ready to try them all. Yet, the next night as my friend and I settled into our seats for American Storm, apparently they were on VH1 and now they are taking it off in the Stratosphere Hotel. We heard the same expectant screams and saw the same chiseled chests but the show fell flat. Sure, the guys were hot, but they missed the boat on stripping for the ladies-- we want you to take it off AND turn us on.
The Chippendales made me smile from the second I walked into the room. They approached their show with the sense of humor we all needed to justify being there in the first place. They played songs we all knew and loved, danced with us young ladies and gave the older ladies roses. The Chippendales are not strippers--they seducers. Their show is more than hot men dancing on a stage, but a complete seduction. I can rather confidently assert that every woman left that show with an amazing experience that we all wanted to remember (easily achieved with the many souvenirs in the gift shop you exit into after the show).
I am in my early twenties and meet my share of good-looking men. Chippendale quality bodies, but American Storm personalities. They come in strong with a "hey baby" and a confident smile that says they are eager to take it off, but have no idea how to turn me on. They have great lines about my eyes and my smile-- some less polished muscle men go straight for a 'nice tits' or 'you make me so hot'--but they don't get that I'm really smiling at the guy behind them rolling his eyes and looking at me as if to say 'need help?'
Watching hot men dance isn't worth the free drinks they offer if they aren't going to do it with a little personality. I think it is so easy for us ladies to make relatively attractive men dance, sing and anything else if they think it will get them laid. So what makes the Chippendales worth paying for is getting to enjoy the sexy without worrying about the sex. All the Chippendales expect in return for treating us like hot goddesses for an hour is that we tell our friends how amazing it is and our ticket fee. I'm glad to give them both. Go see the Chippendales and next time a guy expects you to take it off, tell him to turn you on.
