I am a hopeless romantic cloaked by a protective layer of cynicism and doubt about the prospects for love. I read the Atlantic article about settling for someone stellar but not Mr. Man of My Dreams in order to build a stable family life. Granted, I'm not part of the mid-30s demographic the author targets, but I still didn't take her message to heart. First of all, I'm safe because I've already decided no children for me! Second, I'm sure I'll find Mr. Dream Man safely before the mid-30s crunch hits and if not, well, better to be alone than settle for Mr. Rude to the Waiter or Mr. Bad Hygiene.
Except today is Valentine's Day, and whether it should be or not (and it really shouldn't be, seriously people) It's a reminder of what we expect our loved ones to be and do for us. So is it better to have unmet expectations or to lower our pride and tell him exactly what we want (if we know what we want) and then insist that he give it to us? I think neither. This is where my hopeless romanticism kicks in. The best Valentine's Day gift we can give or get is to accept and love ourselves for who we are and accept and love each other. Very Pollyanna, I know, but at the end of the day, no one is keeping score for how many boyfriends we've had or how many Valentine's we've spent with a bottle of wine and some Miles Davis for company.
We're Just Not That Into You Lesson: Relationships aren't easy. Even the relationship we have with ourselves can be precarious. So love yourself today, try to love your neighbor, and if you're with your Valentine, enjoy it!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Valentine's Day -
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2 comments:
For the record, telling your partner what you want and need is simply part of a healthy relationship. I find when I am most disappointed in my sweety, it's a least a teensy bit my fault for not even hinting at my expectations.
So let's add honesty to our Valentine's day list of goals. Honesty about your feelings and your expectations. It shouldn't damage your pride too much, and unless you're dating John Edward (the psychic not the former presidential candidate) sharing is a critical part of any relationship.
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