Modern Man

Making men obsolete did not require scientific advances. While British headlines have boasting a scientific discovery that has led to the “death of the father,” the role of men in the modern world is facing important challenges outside the laboratory. Currently living in the UK, my conversations with men in pubs allows me to sympathize with British scientists wanting to populate the world without the need for sex with British men. Yet, while the scientific progress is wonderful for gay and lesbian couples who would want to reproduce, its role in changing male/female relationships is about ten years too late. Men have already been faced with the reality that their role in society is no longer clear.

I like to start my afternoons by watching Loose Women. For those of you who never had the pleasure, it is a similar show to The View but generally restricts conversations to issues facing the modern woman. On Loose Women, they were discussing this article on “Making Men Obsolete” when one of the women (typically the ‘we don’t need men’ strong single woman) said something that we do not hear enough, “I feel really sorry for them, they must just have no bloody clue what do with themselves.” She continued to explain that in a world of women achieving at high levels, succeeding in careers and demanding equality in treatment, men just do not know what they are expected to do anymore. I think she has a point. While we talk about the delicate balancing act we must play looking for romance and respect—men are also caught between wanting to be the prince and the damsel all at once.

While I am not opposed to the slowly collapsing good ole boy networks that dominated business, medicine, law and society for centuries, I do sympathize with men’s inability to gage their behavior in the new world of women. I, for one, do not mind when a man hold’s the door for me. Yet, many women are very much offended by the gesture, seeing it as an implication that she could not hold the door for herself. While the same man may open the door for me in the morning and receive a smile, he could do the same thing two hours later and receive a smack. This dichotomy of how to behave transcends into business demeanor. Where are the lines for friendship? For sex discussion? My girlfriends and I can talk freely about which men we would sleep with, who is cute, who is not, etc. Even in semi-professional environments it is socially acceptable for women to talk about potential hook-ups or past mistakes in the same department without worrying about offending the men in their office. Where I would find a comment that I looked nice as a compliment from a male colleague, another situation with a different woman could result in a sexual harassment claim. We want to be colleagues who are treated equally, but legally and socially we are still different. Yet, for men, it is understandably hard to know when it is time to be an equal and time to be a woman (the wording may offend many of you but it is true. The law protects women in a way that it does not for men and as a professional that understanding needs to exist). Demanding different treatment and equality is making men walk on eggshells in all the places they once felt safe. While Greg talks about men just not being that into you if he is not willing to approach you, or if he’s not calling you right away, Greg is forgetting that the modern man has to date us—women who might one day be his boss, who are also really busy and who can perceive advancements as insulting to our social roles.

Men are obsolete in many ways. Their role as the provider is gone. Their role as the source for sexual pleasure is gone (not that it was so overwhelming in the first place). Their role as a social necessity is gone. Their role as jar opener has even been undermined. Yet, they still have an important role in society and in the lives of women. My father is not the one who fixes the kitchen sink (his one attempt cost a lot more than his pride to repair) but it is because of him that I know that there are men in this world who feel unconditionally devoted to their wife and children. Professors, bosses, friends, and colleagues who were male gave me support and guidance in ways that allowed me to achieve things I never thought possible. Even my ex-boyfriend, for all the pain he brought me, supported me and cared for me unconditionally for years. Without these men in my life I would not be the woman I have become, so even if we do not need their sperm, we can want the substantive, caring people many of them are in our lives.

We’re Just Not That Into You Lesson: So for all they do and all they don’t know how to do, let’s give men a little understanding because they have a hard role to play too. They are having a hard time managing our changing role in society—just as we are. While we don’t know whether we want to be whisked away by Mr. Millionare or supported in our career and family choices by Mr. Stay-At-Home Dad or work side by side with Mr. We Met in Law School…they also don’t know how to treat us. Their role in society is changing slowly just as ours is and we need to be understanding of that as well. We cannot have our cake and hate it too. We cannot blame men for not knowing how they should behave at all times. Obviously there are examples of gratuitous, sexist behavior which is always unacceptable. But if he holds the door, maybe just tell him thank you, but you got it and move on—because maybe I still want him to hold it for me!

REFERENCE ARTICLE : http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/technology/technology.html