Frenimies

For those of you who do not recognize this term-- shame on you! You have been ignoring a tabloid frenzy in the past couple of years involving such celebs as Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton as well as Mary Kate Olsen and Lindsay Lohan. Now, before you dismiss this because you are "above" celebrity gossip-- I assure you, if you are a woman you have a frenemy. "Frenemies" are friends that you secretly see as an enemy (ok, I know the term can also include friends you pretend are enemies, but if you knew that you are WAY too into Us Weekly!). We all have them-- and we know better than to let them fall out of our closest circles. Men and women differ in this way, when guys don't like someone they keep them at bay when women don't like someone, we make her our bridesmaid.

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" could be a sociological study on female relationships. For some reason women feel that subvert hatred is the only appropriate kind. I have been in endless conversations with friends about people they despise only to see them hug the same person with an elated greeting ten minutes later. Yet, this is not about being fake, it is about protecting ourselves because as much as it is hard to be an frenemy, being on the wrong side of the wrong girl is the worst thing you can be.

It surprises me that more women are not in politics because our relationships are so political. There are never fights between one girl and another. We always collect allies. We always make sure we reach out to mutual friends to ensure that our side is the one with the greatest support before we enter into a battle. The battle itself is about looking good while being bad. I remember my roommates and I had passive aggressive fights all year about one roommate's inability to clean up after herself. Notes on the kitchen door stating "If you use dishes, wash them!" or "The trash needs to be taken out!" attempted to alleviate the problem, but to no avail. Yet, they did secure an alliance of three clean roommates against the messy one which we fostered all year long. Yet when one of my male friends was angry with a roommate for his messy habits he wrote a note saying "Dude, clean up your F%$^ing mess." And it was over.

I cannot say which tactic is better, as women, in my opinion make both the worst enemies and the best friends. While we are more calculating and manipulative when it comes to people we hate we are devoted entirely to people we love. My friendships with women provide a closeness that no man could ever replace or even understand. Of course, many men have good friends, but women have strong emotional bonds to their friends, and frankly to other women. I was walking down the street in tears the other day and numerous women stopped me to make sure I was okay--strangers even offered to hear what was wrong. Perhaps there are men that do this, but none stopped me that day.

Therefore frenemies is perhaps the best term to describe female relationships. We are the best of friends and the worst of enemies. Our relationships with one another keep us standing and knock us down. I have never cried over a fight with lover like one at the prospect of losing a close friend. The emotional turmoil that comes with female relationships is complicated-- so thank god we have our girlfriends to talk to about it!

We're Just Not That Into You Lesson: Yet, confrontation is hard, but you have to do it sometimes. It is better to nip a problem in the bud then let it stew over time until there is the ultimate showdown between the warring groups. It is easier to say, CLEAN UP once than to say something softer ten times. Yet, by the same token, often being subtle is to protect our friends emotions and ensure lasting friendships even if they are not the closest-- and hey, we are all into that. So keep your friends close and your enemies-- well never let on who they are :) are :)