Getting Lucky

Having the opportunity to celebrate St Patrick's Day in the Emerald Isle has brought new meaning to the "luck of the Irish." While St Patrick's Day is clearly about getting drunk and wearing green the combination of a flattering color (for those of us with lovely Irish coloring) and booze makes the bar scene an even more "profitable" one for those of us on the lookout for adorable men. The expectation of a whacky hat or T-shirt makes the weirdos a little more difficult to vet, as my friends and I were unfortunate enough to find out, but the increasing approachability made finding the pots of gold amidst the leprechans a litte more interesting. Yet, recent conversations with friends beg the question for everyday dating, "is it just about getting lucky?"

Now, I do not mean "getting lucky" in the same sense as the T-Shirts reading "The Luck of the Irish-- I can give it to you" or "I'm in Ireland and ready to get lucky" but in the sense that you are able to find a person in this crazy world that makes you happy. In the past year more of my friends have been dumped than found love and as some start to find love, that number is only increasing. While there is always the challenge of finding the right person, the harder challenge is knowing when hoping for luck slips into fantasy. I know many women who have believed that the best way to fix their broken relationships is to move in with their significant other or picking up and moving to the city where the love of their life is without any other direction because these women believe that not everything can be left to fate. That hoping and wishing on every charm in the world is not what you need-- it is action, purpose and drive. The problem is that while luck is not everything, neither is irrational commitment.

Of course there is push and pull in every relationship, but the push cannot be guided by a hope that it will be the last. The notion that this last move, phone call, email, friendship, will remind him what he is missing (or in some cases never saw) is a reaction to the randomness of some people's happiness. While I have friends who have successfully met incredible men by simply being in the right place at the right time, I have known more who have hoped that they could calculate the right place and time for reconciliation. The notion that a guy who has ignored you (even if he responds to your constant attempts at contact, that is still ignoring you-- guilt is a powerful drug ladies) will change his tune because you "take fate into your own hands" is in most cases as fanciful as psychic powers and voodoo.

While it is fine to hope that the next guy at the bar who kisses me because I'm Irish will be my one and only, counting on it and then moving in with him crosses a line. Being dumped, rejected or ignored by someone you truly love is difficult but putting yourself near them passed the point of outright rejection is only making it harder for you to give the other green haired beer drinkers a chance to impress. Remember that being lucky in love means that they love you back-- and if you want to find the right guy, stop forcing relationships with the ones who do not see what they are missing. So let yourself be a little into getting lucky, if only to keep you from getting hurt.

We're Just Not That Into You Lesson: Yes, you cannot sit in your bedroom and hope that Mr. Right finds you laying among your how to make men love you magazines and diet coke, but by the same token recognize when a relationship is not working. Be able to see that counting soley on luck is just as bad as obsessively taking matters into your own hands to the point you are moving in with someone, stalking someone or putting your own life's happiness in someone else's control. Leave a little room for luck and a lot of room for a reality check and you will be happy to see the green of envy in his eyes when you don't need him anymore.