First comes love then comes dating

Dinner and a movie. A drink. Perhaps even something more adventerous like rock climbing or an early morning run. All of these things would constitute as dates, and I am sad to say I have never been on one. I met my ex-boyfriends at school or through social networks and we became friends, flirted, hooked up and then we were "together." In this popular method of finding a significant other, dating comes after the relationship. Women in their early twenties find themselves out of the vast social networks that come with college and into a working world with limited options in making a good friend into a boyfriend. Instead, we have to rely on the date. Finding someone we barely know and using one-on-one time to establish the comfort level that has been the foundation of past relationships.

On Sex and the City and other popular TV shows people meet random people in coffee shops, on the street, etc. and then they go on dates. Of my friends, I know about two girls this has ever happened to (both while living abroad). Now, after college, this is changing. Of my many friends who find themselves newly sigle, all are perplexed about where and how to find men. The notion of going out and simply asking one out, is not only foriegn but scary. Of course, in theory, many women are confortable with the idea of asking a guy out-- but a random one? On the street? This falls so far outside our comfort zone that we dismiss the idea and revert instead to online dating (at least we can email first) or fix-ups (vetted by a friend).

Yet, for those of us in our early twenties it is important to be able to look outside our group of male friends and into the pool of random men we come across everyday. Perhaps the idea of finding someone on the street, at the gym or in a bar needs to be given more thought. When one is no longer in school, clubs and surrounded my hoards of people your own age it doenst mean that all of the doors to dating are closed, but that instead of pursuing the men we know we should be pursuing the ones we do not.

We are not dating ourselves by dating. While modern hook-up culture seemingly does not lend itself to bonding over a cup of coffee, our past social networking methods are no longer always available. In a recent survey, men were much more attracted to women when they were told that the women were attracted to them. Our reluctance to get to know someone because we are attracted to them means seeing limited options when they are actually limitless. So next time you are walking down the street or working out at the gym stop the cute guy walking by and ask if he's free for a coffee or a drink-- at least if he says no you never have to see him again!

We're Just Not That Into You Lesson: Of course many women date, but it is a hard transition because younger generations no longer do. In high school and college no one goes on dates with people they are not already dating. It is important that if you want to put yourself out there, you are not afraid of getting to know people with an obvious romantic intention. Women are often made to feel desperate when pursuing men, but the truth is that not everyone we see is going to be into us immediately-- try to get to know as many people as you can and eventually the right one just might show up.