I wanna dance with somebody

Girls we have all been there. You meet a great, accomplished guy in a bar. He is smart and witty, sipping a beer while his friends take body shots off three underage chicks at the bar. Then one of those songs come on-- you know the ones-- Journey "Don't Stop Believin", Britney with "Baby One More Time" and even this article title ballad, which perfectly states the situation: the song rocks and you want to dance with somebody. Yet, invariably the beer sipping, intelligent boy will respond unforigivingly: "I'm sorry, I don't dance." As remaining in one's seat during any of these songs is not only taboo, but impossible for the dancing inclined, you resort to one of his body-shot buddies who is more than happy to rock it out to "Baby Got Back."

The issue is not just the dancing it is the socialization of high achieving women compared to that of their male counterparts. In recent years men have maintained higher grades and SAT scores than women while failing to match involvement in academic extra-curricular activities. The statement is clear: if you are on mock trial, Model UN, debate, etc. as a guy in high school you are, well a loser. The guys who play sports (or play women) are getting to rock the party scene while those who choose the more academic ventures are left to learn about women from porn and about social life from a few friends and an X-box. The problem with this is these guys grow up to be the men that we want-- the smart, hard-working, queit guys with jobs and ambition. But, well, they can't dance.

They can't party either. Or they party like its 1999-- as in when we fun-loving ladies were hitting up the high school scene (because we were IN high school, not because we are looking for a good time). The girls in my high school who were hard-working could party just as hard. The gifted classes were comprised of girls who dated the football players and won national merit scholarships. For girls the ability to be a party-loving dance machine and being an accomplished student is relatively easy. Girls are more concerned with other petty judgements (attractiveness, confidence, etc) that it is rare to find a young lady being teased for being smart by her female friends. Men are another story. The result is that when they try to party in their 20s which should be their prime (for the smart, solid men) they act like they are 16 and making up for lost time.

Thus, in a bar of young professionals we face a difficult choice: quiet and awkward or loud and wasted. While the choice may seem simple to many of you, there are still those of us who well, "just wanna have fun" and when we hear "Sweet Home Alabama" we want to be able to dance with someone who has the balanced social life that we maintain. The amount of smart, successful women I know who can throw back tequilla and sing kareoke with the best of them outnumbers the men I know with requisite accomplishments that will even take to the dance floor (or who can remain standing if they get there). Looking at women in high level degree programs, with competitve scholarships and good jobs, it is easy to see why there are so many all female tables at kareoke nights and happy hours: we wanna dance with somebody, so might as well be somebody who is like me. If I want to find someone that can debate Bush's Iraq policy and then sing Bon Jovi, I better stick the chicks. Because as is well known, even if you can talk the talk and walk the walk, if you can't dance you can't do nothing for me baby.

Just not into you lesson: It is hard to date someone who is not fun. Let's face it though, we have to. My ex was a wonderful guy but he would rather die than sing kareoke and thought the bar scene was the 11th plague. You can make these relationships work by hanging out with your girl friends or the rare guy who achieves this balance of smart/fun (although if you find him you might want to dump Sober Steve...there are a million of them to the well balanced male). It is hard though to face the realities of being raised in different worlds forcing sacrifices in either my social life or intellectual interest. Being picky has its issues too, but I think that a guy who can belt "ain't to proud to beg" is "born to be my baby"